Monday, October 16, 2006

Crossroads

...tis more than a heinous religious elementary school whose hypocritical teachings could scar one for life.
...and it's also apparently more than a bad Britney movie.*

because I happen to find myself right in the midst of one.

And here I sit. Not knowing what to do.

You see, my friends, I've just had the busiest week of just about my whole life. Day job is getting to be a real pressure cooker, and the workload, if I'm to make a real go of it, is all-encompassing. And that's before you add in the heinous travel schedule.

My night job: a smashing press lunch last week for my current client. I'm my worst critic when it comes to these things, but I'm incredibly proud of the work I've done. And I loved everyeveryevery second of it. Loved it.

And I had a pitch meeting last week that could be the start of something big--and I think could be mine if I want it.

But the new client could, no, probably will be all-encompassing. Very, very demanding. Not enough pay to leave the day job, but a huge head start. But potentially an explosive situation (I'd be working with someone from said client who, from what I've heard, is volatile AT BEST). So it could jeopardize my day job. And it could make me quite miserable. But it could also be one more step in the dream I've been killing myself for, well, for two years perpetually, for about 10 years fairly seriously.

And meanwhile, on the home front, waits the best husband in the universe. Literally. Who desperately wants another playmate for our son. And while I'm ambivalent about it at times, I realize that the window isn't all that wide. And my son rocks. And I don't want him to be alone. And I've been getting the pangs lately, I will admit.

And that last choice means a vote for security, and 401ks and health insurance and maternity leave and paid sick days and all the bigpeopleresponsible things that come with it. Not a vote for the dream. But perhaps for something bigger. But then perhaps I'm not cut out to be a "mom" mom, which, I think once you're in charge of a brood, is what's needed. I think they--kids, husband, all, would deserve it.

So here I sit. Not knowing what to do.

*It is, also, a kickass Clapton song, box set and benefit concert. So there's that.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

It will only make you stronger! You are well on your way to becomming DC's go-to PR gal in the know - MSA

Natalie@theliquidmuse.com said...

Sounds as if you're doing a great job of walking the tightrope so far... Just remember, every day is only a day long... Keep visualizing where you want to be and breathe.

And, always remember - you are in control. If either the job or the new client become more stress than they're worth, get rid of one or both of them. At the end of the day, you can always say, "Fuck it."