Things I Learned On My Summer Vacation*
1.) Tory Burch has officially replaced Lilly Pulitzer as the leader in the category of Adult Garanimals.** The TRB online sale that's going on right now is fabulous--I could kick myself for not buying her embroidered flower tank before it sold out.
2.) Nicoletta's in Corolla is no longer the impeccably perfect culinary outpost it once was. In fact, it kind of sucks now and is no longer worth the drive. I think it must have changed owners. Total bummer.
3.) Going on vaca the week that Shiloh Nouvel arrives makes for incredibly vapid yet somehow deeply fulfilling trash magazine reading. Fantastic.
4.) Additional Great Beach Reading: Nasty by Simon Doonan, 4% Famous by Deborah Schoeneman. Mediocre But Still Enjoyable Beach Reading: Some Like It Haute by Julie KL Dam.
5.) The only person who really cares about the fact that you're on your summer vacation is you (...and maybe you. If not, then you can stop reading. Although you probably already have.).
6.) The person who, say, got a crappy raise from you this year because even though her work was good, your company is cheap and her attitude sucked 50% of the time, who decided to resign while you're on vacation--to your h.r. department, no less--and then call you after the fact, and again, do it while you're on vacation hence potentially throwing the remainder of your vaca into a complete death spiral, definitely does not care in the least.
7.) Packing platform shoes to a beach vacation, is, well, stupid. Good for photo ops, however. And when your far more fashionable sister is joining you on vacation, you're left with few options.
8.) Much like Virginia license plates, beach houses have officially run out of witty names. In fact, they may not have had any to begin with. So, listen: I'm really happy for you and your new purchase. But seriously, you probably had at least 60 days between the offer and closing. Could you not think of anything better than Seaclusion, Wade N See or Just Ducky? It's your house. And a million dollars, maybe more. That's the best you've got? And if so, how in the hell did you make enough money in any profession to afford not just one, but two abodes? And if you say "No Interest Loan," I'm going to beat you with the Cap'n's Watch sign you just had carved.
*Because summer vacation is all about learning. And smoking pot. But mostly learning.
**According to the Garanimals website, Garanimals,"make it easy for young children to select their own clothes, dress themselves, and through these small, successful decisions, develop early feelings of self confidence." If this doesn't describe Lilly and TRB, I don't know what does.