Saturday, December 30, 2006

I may be mad/sad/tired, but you'll never know.

Zoey from Shop DC has done a pretty extensive writeup on her recent IPL (laser) treatment. For a much less detailed review, you can read mine in the fine print here.

So on to the next procedure. And that, my friends, would be Botox.

But first, a brief history.

About a year ago, I was planning two huge events during every waking hour that I wasn't slaving away at my day job, the combination of which brought about a month-long bout of insomnia combined with a few unbearable migranes. I felt like crap, and looked even worse.

While at my dermatologist (getting the aforementioned IPL), I sat up post-treatment in what could be the most brightly lit whitest dermatologist's office ever, and found myself face to face with a mirror. It was a scary sight (esp. after just going through a pretty intensive round with the laser).

"What can you do about THESE?" I asked the nurse, pointing to the four huge creases running across my forehead. Figured there wasn't much she could do about the greyish-greenish hue I had acquired from the insomnia. And before I could say "Creme de la Mer," out came the Botox needle.

So flash forward, it's a year later, I'm in a fairly stressful place again, and looking pretty haggard. Asked for, and got, a gift certificate for my derm for a Botox treatment. I headed in this week.

Dr. Adrian offers walk-in Botox (you just need to call ahead to make sure the Doc is in). I went in on my way to work, which is a good thing, as you can't lie down for at least four hours post.

I was brought back from the waiting room about 5 minutes after arriving, and after some small talk, out came the needle. They have you furrow your brow to figure out where to inject it; it takes about 3 seconds per shot. It hurt a bit worse than I remembered, but then again, the last time I had it done I had been on 30 minutes of sleep total from the night before. It isn't that painful, just your standard pin prick. With botchulism.

You can get Botox in several areas, but they typically don't recommend doing the top of the forehead without doing the crease in between your eyes as well, as this apparently minimizes the eye-droop risk (have you seen it? Not so pretty. If this should happen, you can always go with the incredibly karma-tempting yet fairly plausible "Bell's Palsy" excuse).

Some slight swelling usually occurs, but it goes down in about 10 minutes. Definitely go for the ice pack as that will speed it up as well.

For the next few hours, you'll need to furrow your brow and raise your eyebrows as much as you can to work the magic (okay, poison) in. Enjoy it, because you won't be doing that for a while.

About 8 hours later, you'll still be able to move just as you did, although it will feel a bit numb. About 8 hours after that, you'll have a slight loss of mobility, but your forehead lines will be just about gone. You will look fabulous. You will be thrilled. This perfection will not last. So don't get cocky about it.

The next day, you'll be able to move your eyebrows about 1/4 as much as the day prior. And you may start to take on the Dr. Brandt/Nicole Kidman freakish forehead/eyebrows that point a bit weird look. Or, as I like to call it, the "DAMMITDAMMITDAMMITWHATINTHEHOLYFUCKWASITHINKING????" stage. Just another reminder that no matter how good the science, there is just no replacement for sunscreen, sleep, and the magic potion that is youth.

And the next day--yup. Frozen. Frozen as a slurpee in January in Novgorod.

Not sure if the freakish look goes away or if you just get used to it.

This is when the fun starts. If you're my husband.

He likes to pick fights and then, end it with "What--what--are you MAD? Sorry--can't tell. Let me take a closer look...yeah, um...nothing."

The results last for about 3-4 months--you'll go back to the fabulous slight movement/not completely scary look in about 1-1/2 to 2.

And my husband will stop taunting me in, well, never.

5 comments:

DC Celine said...

LOL. Thank you, my dear, for making me smile at 8:44 in the morning on a Sunday New Year's Eve when I'm at my desk trying to get work done so I can go home, take a nap, then attempt to get gorgeous.

natalie@theliquidmuse.com said...

I love Botox. Used to do it regularly when I lived in LA (pre-DC). Now that I'm back in LA you can betchor sweet a** I'll be paying my old doc a visit...

along with my hairdresser, eyebrow gal, facialist, tanning salon... ahh... sounds so good.

Once I get my lazy freelance writer butt working out again, perhaps I will finally get back to my slightly more superficial but infinitely better-looking old self! ;-)

Anonymous said...

You are hilarious. Have you tried a peel? I'm afraid it will be flushing money down the toliet...

BabsieD said...

I tried it a few years ago, but I think it's safe to assume that the technology has improved since then.

However, that's the one thing that I've heard the most positive responses from--but it's always from my poreless, acneless friends who were that way to begin with, so who really knows.

fashion gal in dc said...

That's hilarious. My husband would totally make fun of me too. I am dying to do IPL (I am not one of those women blessed with poreless, acne free skin) one of these days when my wallet can handle it. I highly recommend peels though. I get them done through my dermatologist and the best part: my insurance covers them!

Love your blog! As a full-time working mom who also tries to be fashionable, I can really relate to many of your posts so thank you!